In my Heart
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: There was only one thing on his mind as he sat in his seat in the plane to Greece. To have Stella back where she belonged; at his side and in his heart. Some spoilers & based on eppy 5.24 Grounds for Deception. SMACKED one-shot!


**Title: In my Heart**

**Summary:** Post "Grounds for Deception". There was only one thing on his mind as he sat in his seat in the plane to Greece. To have Stella back where she belonged; at his side and in his heart. SMACKED one-shot!

**Disclaimer: **I dont own Mac Taylor but I wish I did! This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.

**A/N:** dont worry I haven't stopped writing my other two SMACKED adventures "Opposites Attract" (Chapter 15 up now) and "Playing for Keeps" (Chapter 5 up now). Both of those should be updated in a few days. Hope you like one shot.

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_'I'll make it easy for you'_.

Those six simple words hit me like a sledgehammer to the gut and haunt me even now. They have routed inside my brain and wrapped around my heart; refusing to let go until I make things right.

I sit back in my seat, my tormented gaze fixed out the small window of the airplane, my mind forcing me to relive over and over the past few hours. She placed her badge on my table and my heart literally stopped. What the hell did I do? I backed her into an emotional corner and she forced my hand. My anger got the best of me and I spouted off about protocol; always having to prove myself right when it comes to the law. This time it cost me dearly.

The case was anything but routine; but when I found her address in the dead man's pocket my mind raced with panicked thoughts of her demise until I heard her voice. But once again I couldn't see past my narrow view of justice. Of course I was worried; how the hell could I not be? This is Stella, my best friend and partner. But when I saw that address something else was triggered inside. Feelings? Caring? Desire? Love? Not possible, I tried to tell myself. But as the day progressed I came to realize that all those feelings and more were not only true but they have been growing over the past number of years; I have mostly been too afraid to allow myself the truth. Too afraid to put myself out on the emotional ledge; too afraid to lose something precious once again.

The whole idea of Stella doing something on her own and possibly being hurt again has me on edge. But seeing the broken painting in her garbage only served to heighten my nervous anxiety but fueled my panic that things might take a turn for the worse and I'll lose her for good. But the worse part was as soon as I started to dig in to the origin of the painting I stumbled across something that would change the life of the woman I cared about the knowledge of her mother. I started in silent misery at the words on my screen. _Car accident, killed at the scene, two year old daughter orphaned_. Stella was wanted. It wasnt that her mother had simply abandoned her; she was taken in a cruel manner; she never got the chance to say goodbye or I love you one last time; and with that sad realization I knew that Stella and I had shared a common bond for many years that was only coming to light as this day unfolded.

"I have to tell her," I whisper in torment. The information before my eyes burned into my very soul; refusing to let go until my mission was fulfilled. I picked up the phone and called her number but she's not picking up.

"Stella, pick up," I utter. "Please pick up."

Then my world came to a small conclusion when Flack came into my office later that night.

_'Stella's gone to Greece'_.

The words could hardly get past my lips but inside my brain there was only one course to follow now. Go to Greece and get her back. For the job? No for me. For me and to tell her the truth; no matter how much it hurts, she needs to know. My heart breaks trying to picture her face when I tell her and I know my world will cave in if she breaks down. Even now, my eyes slightly water at the thought that I might be causing her more pain. But I know she'd never forgive me if I kept this to myself so I know what I must do; no matter the personal cost to myself.

_'Go and bring her back Mac,'_ Flack told me and I only offered a simple nod. I don't remember racing home, packing a small overnight bag, but as I anxiously stood in the customs waiting line my heart is racing with anticipation. Would she be mad I was there? Would she think I was there to just lecture her on protocol? Would she actually believe I would be there for her? And when I tell her the news, will she hate me for it? Or worse, torment me with silence?

I numbly walk toward my seat and push myself into it; willing the plant to take off right now and damn everyone else trying to get on board. I can't get there fast enough; my mind wondering if she's okay and playing scenarios' of her in trouble and me being helpless to prevent it.

Being forced in this enclosed space is allowing me time to dwell on my actions; it's not a welcome sensation, as part of my actions is what's causing my mental misery right now. I casually glance around and am hit with the sight of a happy couple to my left. The worst part? She looks Greek and he could be me. I can't help but offer a sad smile followed by a heavy sigh as I turn my gaze back out the small window into the dead of night. Even the in-flight movie does little to distract me; the meal that is offered I reject and chose to sit in misery instead of getting up to stretch my legs. I hate flying but this just seems like the worst kind of torture. All my tried brain keeps telling me is that Stella needs you and you're not there yet.

I know her mission; the reason she left. But I don't give a damn about the case or about protocol; I have to be there to help her in whatever way I can. Finally I allow myself to close my eyes for a few minutes and when I awake I am rewarded with the final landing call and squint into the early morning sunshine as the Mediterranean awaits. I have arranged a meeting with a few people that can fix this and hope I get to them before Stella does. I have to vouch for her. If she turns in the painting without anyone else to back her story she could be stuck here and that would be a fate I wouldn't wish on either of us.

So with much determination and a racing heart, I push myself off the plane and hail a taxi-cab. I have found the hotel she's staying in and have already booked a room just down the hall. As time is not on my side I just pray I haven't arrived too late.

XXXXXXXX

Leaving New York was hard, but leaving Mac was the hardest thing I have ever done in my adult life. But I had to see this through to the end; my peace of mind and my very future depend on my current actions. I sit in the plane in silent misery. I hate fighting with Mac; he's my rock, the one I turn to for help, not the one I turn my back on to prove a point. But I have to do the right thing no matter the cost. I hope when I return the painting everything will be smooth but will they even believe my story? I allow my mind to dwell on that sad thought until I hear a familiar name and my heart stops for a second.

"Mr. Taylor?" The flight attendant asks the man before me. For a split second I expect to see my partner turn around to me with a smile, telling me he's here with me, but it's not to be. I watch the older gentleman accept what he's given and I turn my watery gaze back out the window. I rest my head on the seat; telling myself that it's Mac's shoulder and for the next few hours I am actually able to drift off into darkness.

My mission is simple today; deliver the painting and find the one man I hope can shed light on this terrible mystery. Professor P, the one man who I have always thought my guardian angel is now the one man who might be responsible for my personal demise. But as I approach the museum my heart stops. What on earth? Mac? Can't be. Maybe I just want him to be here so much that I just think I see him. But as I approach I am rewarded with the truth. It is him.

"Mac?" I softly whisper. I listen to what he tells them but I am speechless. He believes me? What is going on? But even through dark sunglasses I can tell his eyes are begging mine to believe him and go along with what's he's telling them. I offer the painting and we walk away in silence.

"Why are you here?" I ask in a numb tone.

"To help you," he answers.

"But I," I stop us and look him square on.

He removes his sunglasses and frowns. "I am here for you."

"I didn't want to put you in this position," I tell him in sorrow.

"This is hard because I care," he admits in an almost inaudible whisper, as if the words are tormenting his soul for even being uttered. Then he starts into the explanation of my mother and my heart stops; my breath is shallow, my eyes water and my hands are shaking.

All my life I thought I was just abandoned; not wanted, left at the mercy of the system by a woman who had better things to do. Over the years I have told myself different things; mostly to heal the pain inside my mind for being left so young. But she was killed? I look up at Mac with watery eyes and he's looking back at me with a pain-filled expression.

"It's hard for me to tell you this," he tells me in a kind tone.

I take the photo, holding onto it like a drowning man holding onto his last vestige before the sea takes him under and I step away a few feet. The pain in my heart is almost suffocating and although Mac's warm hand is on my shoulder, my body is cold and trembling and my lips refuse to speak a coherent sentence.

"I will help you solve this," he tells me in a soft tone. "That's why I'm here, for you."

I look up into his blue eyes and see pain and torment. "I can't do this without you," I whisper and he pulls me into his strong arms and holds me close.

"She never gave you up," he whispers and my eyes produce fresh tears. "You were loved all along. It was fate that was cruel."

"We need to find him," I tell Mac, going into the explanation of the coffee cup. We spend the rest of the afternoon waiting on Danny and trying to find the one man that might hold the key to not only my past but also my future.

XXXXXXXX

"Thanks Danny," I offer with a heavy tone; my heart and mind both exhausted from today's emotionally draining events. But this proves Stella was right and I need to let her know. After today's revelation, she needs something to settle her heart a bit and let her at least get a descent night's rest. I hurry down the hall to her room. I quickly draw my gun as I spy the door open and my panic starts to build. But it hits high when I enter the room and see her fighting with the brother.

"Stella!" I offer in anger as I rush toward them. Sadly she's just flung into my arms and her attacker hurries away, out the window and is gone into the night.

"Did he hurt you?" I ask in haste, wrapping my arm around her and slowly heading back into her room. I feel her body shaking and hold her close; not wanting to let go until both our hearts are slowed down.

"Thanks, I'm okay," she whispers to me softly.

"Well I'm not," I tell her with a frown. "How the hell am I going to be able to just leave you here like this?"

She looks up at me in wonder. "You're just down the hall," she mentions softly.

"I'm not leaving," I utter firmly.

"Mac," she starts.

"I don't mind sleeping on the floor," I tell her in haste. "If he comes back and tries something else it would kill me not to be able to here to help."

"Mac," she tries again only to have me turn around and do something I should have done years ago. I gently take her face in my hands and bring my lips to her; tenderly offering whatever I have inside. Her lips tremble a bit at first but then lock onto mine with passion and desire our bodies pressing together and holding hope of something more. I finally pull back with a smile. "You'll never be alone again," I whisper and she pulls me close, resting her head on my rapidly beating heart.

"Come here," I tell her as I take her hand and lead us to the bed. I carefully lay myself down and take her with me; letting her head rest on my chest; tumbles of curls dressing the black fabric with golden highlights.

"I am sorry for all this Mac," she tells me and I can't help but offer a smile.

"You're just being Stella," I tell her and I feel her body ease a little. "I would have damned myself forever if something happened to you over here and I could have prevented it."

"I would have never held you responsible," she utters.

"You would never have had to; I would have done that for you," I admit in truth. "Stella I need you in my life; and have just been too stupid to actually stop and ask you for the honest truth and then listen instead of judging or wanting to jam protocol down your throat."

"The fact that you're here means more than you might ever realize," she offers; wrapping her arms around my chest and hugging me tight; adding further body warmth than is already emanating from both of us.

"Just rest okay, I'm not going anywhere," I instruct.

"Mac," she tries to protest.

"Are you seriously going to argue with me?" I counter and she finally smiles. "Please?"

"You flew half way around the world for me," she smiles. "How could I say no now?"

I offer another tender kiss and then a contented sigh as her head rests on my chest once again. I hope the pounding of my heart doesn't keep her awake but a few minutes later her breathing slows and I know she's finally asleep; taken into a world of nightmares I can only imagine. Finally an hour later I hear soft snores and can't help but smile. I very carefully ease myself out of her grasp and reach for a blanket, covering her body and allowing warmth to keep her in sleep. I head over to the window; my eyes darting about to every corner that might afford a hiding place for an attacker and I'll be damned if I let him near her again.

I turn my eyes back to watch her and finally head for a large chair and ease myself into it; my eyes still locked on the possession I need to stand guard over. She is my most prized possession; the one thing in my life that I would willingly sacrifice everything for. And by my being here I hope she realizes that. Will I ever be able to tell her what she really means? Will she want me to? Will I allow time to pass before another costly mistake is made? One perhaps that will take her from me for good?

So many questions race around my tired brain as I reach for a blanket and finally give myself some warmth, my gun still within grasp in case I am needed in the blink of an eye. However, with the day's events finally taking their toll, I too, close my eyes and am taken swiftly into the dark realm of sleep.

XXXXXXXX

Morning finally starts to peak its head into my room and I am bathed in the warm sunlight for the second morning in a row. I slowly open my eyes and true to his word, my strong guardian is at my side once again. I offer a frown as I watch Mac asleep in the chair beside the bed. Stubborn man! Oh I know he won't complain about the fact that his body was forced into an uncomfortable position for a more than a few hours but the fact that he's still here shows me that his words are true. Mac cares for me. Will I ever be able to show him; tell him; make him believe how much I care for him and how lucky I am to have him in my life? Will he ever believe me? I watch his chest slowing moving up and down and can't help but smile. The kiss we shared last night was a first for us; it was warm and loving and given with desire and promise.

When his lips first met mine I sensed hesitation but as it lengthened it was only desire and need that followed. I know Mac has written himself off to love but inside I am hoping that he'll want to at least give it one more chance. A chance I'll never walk away from or let down.

He finally opens his eyes and greets me with a warm smile. "Morning," he offers in a lazy tone.

"Mac, why didn't you at least sleep in your own room? The door was locked," I try to tell him in concern.

"Because I wouldn't have forgiven myself if something happened," he tells me as he pushes himself out of the chair and eases down beside me. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him close, being rewarded with a kiss on the cheek. I look up into the blue pools before me; the windows into his soul and finally see the one thing that has been missing in his life staring back at me; my own reflection.

"This ends today," he tells me and I can only offer a small nod. "Will you be okay if I leave for awhile?"

"Did you see me fight him?" I counter and he smiles.

"Just lock the door when I leave."

A few hours later we are outside on a mission; finally tracking down the professor and his brother to an orchard we hope all this will finally come to rest.

XXXXXXXX

Then all hell breaks loose and all I can do is leave Stella where she is and race after the man with the gun before he can take another precious life. However, the outcome of this battle is one that I never would have wished on anyone; much less the woman I care about. My bullet meets it's mark but not before the other man has already done the damage that will haunt me for days to come. I watch in horrible slow motion as Stella's body crumbles to the dead man in her arms; her cries deafening and her tears starting to drown us all in sorrow.

_'I loved your mother,'_ the professor tells Stella and my heart breaks at the same time as hers. Not being able to see the strong woman before me in such a fragile state I pull her into my arms and we stand locked in time until both are too tired to actually stand up any longer. I wrap my arm around her waist; pull her close as we slowly walk out of the orchard, Stella's soft cries still tormenting my anguished mind.

What if I wasn't here? What if she confronted them alone? What if she died here today and I never knew? Or worse heard about it through another means? I work on calming my mind and trying to get my heart to slow but all I can do is dwell on misery and wonder. Stella hasn't asked for her badge back and part of me now worries that she'll want to stay here and try to uncover whatever truth she can find; sending me back alone.

Do I let her? How on earth could I stop her? Would she want to come back? To put myself out of my own self constructed misery I dare to ask.

"Are you coming back with me?" I ask in a nervous tone as we finally reach the rental car. She turns around and my heart breaks once again. Eyes that usually have fire, determination and strength are replaced with doubt, wonder and torment.

"This isn't my home," she whispers in sorrow. "I might have been born here but I have nothing here now worth staying for."

"I would be lost without you," I offer in truth. "But if you want to stay a bit longer I will stay here with you."

"You have already done so much," she tells me with a soft smile.

XXXXXXXX

"I wish I could do more," he replies, his warm hand reaching my face and brushing away a salty tear. "But it's your call. I won't force anything on you until you are ready. I can't imagine what you're thinking or feeling right now, but if you need time, I can give you that."

"I hear uncertainty in there," I counter.

"But I don't want to lose you again," he admits with a deep frown. "And I fear that if l leave here alone I will lose you. Maybe for good."

"You won't. I promise," I tell him, gently reaching my hand around his head and pulling it close, letting his lips taste the saltiness of mine. He gently cups my face with his strong hands and deepens our bond, our bodies once again offering warmth; adding to the hot afternoon sun and making us both flushed and light headed.

"I want to go home," I finally whisper; almost out of breath, looking up at him with a smile. "With you at my side. Where you belong."

"Let's go home," he whispers with his own warm smile. He offers one last hug and then we are back on the road heading for home.

XXXXXXXX

The plane ride to Greece was one of nervous apprehension. I didn't know what to expect from Stella when I arrived but as we sit side by side; our hands locks and our faces content, my nervousness is replaced with anxiousness. This has been a turning point for us both and I hope something that started back there will now continue to grow until we are both ready to embrace it openly.

I look over at her and she offers me a warm smile. The horror and anger from the past few days have seemed to have disappeared and all that is replaced is loving concern. I gently pull her head onto my shoulder; whispering to her to close her eyes and that she'll _never be alone again_. She squeezes my hand and whispers _neither will you_ in return. Might sound simple enough, but to me those three words give me hope and finally a purpose with the woman on my right. A purpose I am going to pursue with everything I have.

We reach New York and instead of going our separate ways we head back into the one place we both belong -- the lab. I finish up the file and Stella walks up with two small cups in her hand and I just arch my brows in wonder.

"At this time of the night?" I casually ask.

However, she simply places them on the small glass table, takes my hand and leads me to the leather couch; instructing me to sit down. She finally asks for her badge and I reach for it; never having been a second without it on my person since the moment she offered it in heated anguish; telling myself the moment she gave me that, that small piece of hardware might be all I have left of her.

I can't help but smile as she takes it and I know that the world is once again right and she's at my side where she belongs. However, as she starts into her dissertation of the coffee grounds I can't help but smile and feel that she's also were she belongs; in my heart.

_'The woman in my life_', she offers.

"The only woman," I whisper in truth; for there will never be another woman in my life as long as I draw breath. She offers a smile and continues. The night starts to progress and I realize that it's time to take our leave.

"Why are you so quiet?" Stella asks me as we finally reach her apartment; the truck held in its place by unseen force.

"Adore?" I ask in wonder.

"Pardon?" She questions.

"You said earlier that I sometimes adore you," I reply. "Hmm wrong word," I correct her and she frowns.

"Like?" She tries and I lightly laugh. "You like me?"

"Try something a little more personal," I tell her, looking at her with a loving gaze.

"Mac?"

"Love," I offer and she looks at me in surprise. "I just have been too scared to admit that to myself. I have known you for a long time and always thought you'd be at my side; I guess taking that for granted on a daily basis. However, the past few days have shown me that I should never take anything for granted, especially you, and so I'm telling you this right now before anything else happens and I miss another chance."

She looks at me with a growing smile before taking my face in her hands and bringing her lips once more to mine, tasting them at first and then pulling me closer; hungrily devouring them. We stay locked in each other's warm embrace for what seems like a small eternity before her whispered words break the silence.

"Do you want to come up?" She asks me with some hesitation.

I look at her and know that no power on this earth could stop me now. "I do," I answer in simple honesty.

I lean in once more and offer myself to her once again; the heat from us finally starting to make steamy trails on the windows around us; hiding us from onlookers.

"I'm in love for the first time in my life," she whispers warmly.

"And I'm in love for the last time in my life."

**THE END!**

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Well that was my two bits! What did you think? Too sappy? Feedback please and thanks!


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